


I lost my faith

by wajjs



Category: DCU (Comics), Green Lantern - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, M/M, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 00:41:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29251650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wajjs/pseuds/wajjs
Summary: Hal laughs and he seems to be larger than life, sayingI got bettereach time someone asksweren't you dead?
Relationships: Hal Jordan/Kyle Rayner
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	I lost my faith

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kiseia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiseia/gifts).



> Kis sent this prompt over on tumblr: Halkyle - au where one of them is immortal and the other isn't
> 
> [(og post here)](https://wajjs.tumblr.com/post/638661262509785088/halkyle-au-where-one-of-them-is-immortal-and-the)

** I lost my faith  
[I'm losing my religion every day](https://youtu.be/RcS_8-a-sMg) **

It just…

It keeps happening.

Just when he thinks he'll finally get to rest, he's brought back. He no longer knows what to think of it. 

At first, well—the first few times it had happened, he had been thankful. He had been glad for the renewed chance at getting things right, he had been happy that he could still fly, he could still enjoy the big blue skies and the smile on a beautiful woman's face. But there's so much crossing of thresholds a human can endure before some of it  _ sticks. _

He's getting old for these stunts, and that's just the tip of the iceberg. Dig deeper and there's so much in there: the flying that brings no sense of being, the skies that don't feel like home. The uncanny knowledge of remembering what's beyond. Of being well aware that his expiration date is more than overdue. 

When looking at the mirror, it's hard to tell and he can never quite answer when he wonders:  _ am I still human? _

Hal laughs and he seems to be larger than life. He even takes in stride Oliver's playful (yet strong) punch, says  _ I got better _ each time someone asks  _ weren't you dead? _

His eyes meet Kyle's from across the room. There is so much there. So many words and secrets and explanations owed.

Neither of them get to address any of it by the time the next crisis is already falling upon them. When someone jokes, saying  _ maybe don't die this time! _

—Hal turns his back to Kyle, hiding his tired smile. 

"If I do," and he acts like he's joking, too, "let's hope I don't come back."

Kyle spins the white ring around his finger. Hal is sleeping next to him, naked under the sheets. He's warm and alive and breathing. The last time, the last time he had done that, Hal's face had been one of extreme anguish. He had even fought it, the pull.

And maybe this is a selfish thing, the one Kyle's doing. But the universe, this world, they both  _ need _ Hal Jordan. There is the present to keep safe and a future to fight for. There is a legacy.

Although those aren't the real reasons Kyle might be selfish.

It just…

He doesn't want to lose Hal.

Kyle doesn't want to be condemned to an eternal existence without those eyes brighter than the very energy of the universe. He just can't think of a world without Hal. Of a world in which he would be stuck with memories.

Living forever is a curse of solitude, after all. Those he cares for, they will all eventually leave and he won't be able to follow. Just thinking of that has his heart skipping beats out of sorrow.

The one thing Kyle didn't think of is Hal's many sacrifices. Each of them have threatened Kyle's happiness, and each of them just keep happening, they are so frequent now that it's too easy to think Hal's doing it on purpose. Nevermind that, though, because Kyle brings him back again, and again and again and again. As many times as it takes, till Hal gets the message.

Some tweaking in his plans is needed to account for the aging, of course. He's already looking into it.

Turning under the sheets, Hal looks up at him—so many tired lines around his eyes, shadows that make them seem deeper, beginning to be a threat that will snuff out the light in them. And yet, when Hal opens his mouth, there is no reproach. Even though he must know. He surely must know.

"Trouble sleeping?" a hand reaches out, lands on Kyle's thigh, squeezes the muscles there with affection.

Kyle smiles. "Just thinking," and he holds Hal's hand as he finally lays down. Staying on his side so he can continue looking at the other. 

"That never bodes well for me," he laughs yet through the tiredness some anxiety pushes through.

Kyle stays silent for a minute. He squeezes the hand he's holding onto, refusing to let go.

"Do you hate me?" he asks.

Closing his eyes, Hal moves closer to him.

"No," he speaks barely above a whisper. "I don't think I can."


End file.
